do you ever stay in the shower for so long you forget who you are
when you are so desperate you go to the second page of google results
What an inspiration
parents when they can’t get a hold of you: “i called TWICE AND YOU DIDN’T PICK UP”
me when i can’t get a hold of my parents: “I BROKE MY LEG. I CALLED UR CELL 11 TIMES, UR WORK PHONE 7 TIMES, AND SENT YOU 23 TEXTS, AND NO RESPONSE”
my parents: “wow sorry i was busy”
The next gen kids + social media part 1
The face she gives me when she wants to get on the couch
let her on the damn couch you monster
my favorite thing in stories is when the antagonist doesn’t die, but instead they realize they were being kind of a stupid dick (maybe because the protagonist saved them or something) and then they have to kind of awkwardly tag along with the heroes in order to make up for their mistakes and gradually become slightly less evil
"Family gatherings" aka "90% of the people here are racist"
"and claim to be none of these things"
"they’re just joking"
"you’re just going through a phase"
"you’ll get used to it"
"so do you have a boyfriend yet?"